EXPRESSED….

Finally I get down to this. After long conflicts of thoughts I finally penned this. I had been waiting for the ‘correct’ chance and time to publicly express this, but then thought a time can only be correct if you want it to be!

How does entering into an unknown zone feel? Ingoing a new world altogether, after all it’s all about your career. Your dreams. It was a big decision, a really big one. Leaving out a comfortable circle behind to join aliens on another planet?

16 June 2013 was the day. I knocked the door of a renowned CBSE school and it flew wide open! Like my dreams welcoming me. I was faking my confidence. I was behaving as if I knew them since ages, the aliens. Deep inside me was the fear. Fighting inside with the fact I was- I entered a co-ed school. A school which was not reserved for girls alone, which had aliens in it: THE BOYS!  12 years is a long time. Indeed.  A girl for whom nuns and fathers seemed more interesting than the boys. A girl for whom her father and her brother are the only male friends whom she chose to be with. A girl who hasn’t ever thought what its like to talk to a boy. Such a convent educated girl like me suddenly, voluntarily agrees to have boys around her in the same school, class, section for hours together. Oh my! All of it coz of that purpose, the purpose of fulfilling my dreams! The brave me said everybody! Some applauded my decision; some judged me while others commented: this requires guts.

My first day, I was ready to take up the challenge! My plans were working. I was liking it when suddenly I realized that plans weren’t needed. funnily enough the image of cbse students as  Spoilt Brats was proved false. I could relate to people of the ‘other planet’. Aliens weren’t bad at all! I understood.

But you know what it was still a valiant dare. There could be only two possible reactions from a girl on her first ever encounter with boys, strange boys – Either she would dive onto them and would go mad on them  OR would step back, stay away , out of the ‘assumed danger’ altogether. I became the latter.  However Extremes are always bad.

 I became submissive, not literally though. I seldom, actually never talked to boys. I didn’t even wished them , I still don’t.  Now that’s rude, isn’t it? I understood yet couldn’t help it.  Unlike the other girls in my school who met their guy friends with a high five, a hug and like- Kaisa hai be tu? Kaha tha ab tak? Call kyu nahi kiya and on….  But I,  I was blank at those times. Told you it was like aliens meeting! ( apologies) . it looked so normal, so usual. And it was actually quite normal, may be not for me.

Honestly I don’t regret for not being with boys. For my own reasons (which many of you may know). I know that I can’t be ‘touchy’.  Actually I don’t choose to. It’s not my zone. (at least for now and few years hence). And as far as ‘talking’ is concerned, I am progressing. LOL! Like I talk. (I am not allergic to boys, as thought by some). And that’s OK.

Another segment unveils here. An eccentric characteristic of a ‘co-ed’ school: the concept of ‘crushes’.  Like you are supposed to have a crush and if you don’t you are missing something.( that’s something I was told). But I still don’t have one and believe me I am not missing anything. A mere infatuation, really? No. That’s not love and hence no crushes in my kitty. So let’s go to the next step, Boyfriend? Buwwahaha ! No. You know, when you have a boyfriend people tease you with his name but if you don’t have one. Like I, your condition is worse because your friends get a chance to pair you with every passerby! You know pairing and unpairing is their favorite hobby. They start a ‘grooms’ search for you. That’s the limit. And my family, my brother, he saw my facebook and commented so you have guy friends in your friend list (two of them only! Both my classmates! Only.) And he begins teasing. Looks at my angry face and stops. My friends are kind to me on this note. Like they have sacrificed with their hobby for me because they know I don’t like it. They try at times. But that’s fine. They are friends after all. (Love you dearies.).  And then they ‘entertain’ me with their love stories. Stories about their dream date, how they met, love happened and a lot more. Its pleasurable (I am lying.) I am proud to be a Good Listener. Like really! I pat my back.

It doesn’t end here. The talks, the discussions, the jokes. Do you like ‘Non veg’? I am vegetarian. Wait. I am referring to the chats. Each of them is coupled with a double meaning. If you guessed it you would burst out into laughter or else just stare and then slowly start laughing without knowing what the joke was till the time people start laughing at you! That’s fun apparently. Well what about the ‘adult talks’. I wasn’t an active participant then. Now I can be, as a consequence of time.  It becomes an amusing moment for many including me when I comment on an ‘adult talk’. My friends say i am not made for those and vice versa.  But what’s wrong if I ‘talk’ about those. Following it or not following it is a personal choice, knowing is another. They give me a stare as though I, a peace maker am suddenly talking about violence. And they couldn’t take it. They are like you comprehended the joke? Laugh with an applause and a wicked wink! Naughty you! Hawwwww!

Now finally, gags apart. I love this planet. Truly. It’s been a place where my innocence is respected and my simplicity is valued. I know I was, am and will never be forced to change myself. I was never asked to pull my shirt out and roam about without a tie! (I still have my shirts tucked in and ties with the closed collar button). I am never forced to enter an unfamiliar zone. Nobody, not even the aliens ever push me out of my comfort zone. They understood the difference between 12 years of girls' schooling and 2 years at this new place. Acceptance is bestowed on me as a blessing. They themselves advise me not to change. They taught me my worth.  They admire my qualities. They admire me. And I in return have only a single word with me to show my respect for all these people out there: THANKYOU! Thanks for all your support and affection. It counts.  It really does.

I am proud of my decision, proud of my bravery. Now I could actually say this was my best decision! I moved towards the better. I feel like an explorer now and not a mere follower!

And I wouldn’t forget to mention the ladder that led me here.  The convent. I am honored to have been a part of it because it has made me a True Disciplinarian. A girl of virtues.  Thank you! It’s given me a respectful identity in this new planet. And those people aren’t aliens any more. They are friends, cool friends and I adore their company!